bone in sub

after a week of too much work and rehearsal and not enough sleep and food i finally got to buy some food and relax at home. unfortunately the next 7 days are more work, more rehearsals, and a lot of studying for my film exam. as mentioned before, i want to buy a pizza and a case of coke and spend 2 days in bed watching a bunch of old movies. i just don’t have 2 days to do that. maybe monday and wednesday? i have class at NINE AM on tuesday, that’s obscene – i haven’t had class before 11am since april.

orchestra’s done. i don’t know if i’ve ever played a concert where i wasn’t comfortable with the rep., but this one was after only seven rehearsals so i didn’t have the pieces memorized like i usually do. it was a weird feeling. i really wanted to go out afterwards but everyone was either going to the duke of york (a very lame overpriced bar for band nerds) or being wimps and whining about papers and exams. why can’t more people be as unstoppable as me.

i feel like i’m facetiously liking christmas this year? or maybe i have a little bit of a soul this time? not sure. i drank a huge amount of whole milk and ate a lot of peanut butter tonight to make up for the caloric deficiency of the last 3 days. the combination of a great performance of the dvorak plus restocking my pantry has made me feel great.

analytics. a bunch of people read this that i have no idea about. it gets 8-20 uniques a day, which surprises me…i know of maybe five people that read this, and i doubt they all read it daily. virginia, new york, texas, ireland, and utah are all accounted for. BUT there are a ton of hits from mississauga, etobicoke, and california, like about one daily from each of those. the first two are pretty close and i know a bunch of people from both of those, so whatever. (i’m still curious who they are though!)

but california? i don’t think i know anyone in california! san francisco and sunnyvale. maybe proxies? mystery readers, i invite you to say hi to me. how is this blog not unbearably boring? it’s basically me talking to my future self.

i’m having so much trouble with sleep lately. no matter how tired i am i can’t sleep until i’ve been awake for at least a day. this month i not only got a new cell phone contract, i had to pay $200 for my hydro deposit. this made me run out of money and consequently food, and when i’m hungry i get ANGRY. it’s especially bad because i never get angry any other time. i have seriously been in a ‘funk’ or something the past few weeks, which, again, is especially bad because i don’t really get ‘down’.

but i’m still doing all right. i have enough food – peanut butter oatmeal etc – until i have time to go somewhere that accepts visa (ugh). i haven’t eaten this badly since like 2006, i can’t believe i did that for so long. i also haven’t really done anything awesome since early october. i’m glad there are a bunch of christmas things coming up, that should be good times. everybody else is all stressed about school, and i’m just out of money and tired. i haven’t been on a date in forever, and oddly enough i don’t even mind.

i realized today that a big quantifier in how well i get along with someone is how good their memory is. i don’t think i’ve ever met someone with a memory as good as mine (as far as i know at least), so it’s refreshing to me when someone can remember things that most people can’t. i frequently find myself acting like i don’t remember something inconsequential because it was months/years back, and i don’t know, it seems creepy. a while back i reminded an old friend of something that happened in grade 4 and he told me “i really don’t remember day-to-day stuff from when i was 8, that’s kind of crazy that you do…”. i think that was the first time i realized my memory is wicked.

memory was covered in depth in the psychology course i took a couple years back, and since then i’ve read a good amount on it – synaesthesia is strongly correlated with eidetic memory. definitely true, if there’s a sensation or unique aesthetic to a situation i’ll remember it incredibly well for a long, long time. another thing i’ve noticed is that anything i speak is very easy to remember; this has very practical applications day-to-day, although it might make me look weird.

i’ve been responding to all of the nigerian 419 scam emails i get lately, just for my own amusement. today one of them called me, he was a perfect analog of george agdgdgwngo. i messed with that guy so hard, a kind of reverse fonejacker situation. it was incredible, but i wrapped it up after a couple minutes because i think it’s pretty expensive to talk on the phone to africa. i’m not sure about that…i’ll find out how much a 2 minute call costs next month i guess!

i finished watching the new 24 prequel tonight. jack bauer is this decade’s indiana jones, but instead of fighting nazis, russians, and asian people he fights middle eastern terrorists and african warlords. does that mean massive attack and other derivative beep boop music are this decade’s john williams?

something i miss about my old neighborhood is all the 24hr food places. i miss going out for food at 4 in the morning.

i have no idea why i haven’t been able to write very much lately. mainly i’ve just been doing a lot of things, but even though i’ve been home a good amount the last couple days i just keep writing posts and deleting them because they suck. i still write this as an introspective personal journal or whatever, but i still have my own standards. paradoxically, the more day-to-day pith i discard the more i want to write things i’ll find interesting in five years. so i’m just going to crank one out, super-condensed:

it’s getting cold out and i’ve been taking the subway a lot. i have a lot of dreams about fighting. i haven’t been drinking much water. i keep waking up with a roaring noise in my head and a crazy feeling that someone is standing right over me.

things are a lot calmer in my life than in september/october, but i’m feeling good. i just wish i could sleep more; i’m still only sleeping five nights a week.

i watched ‘rambo’ and enjoyed the incredibly thin plot, so i downloaded an episode of ‘cops’ for more mindless viewing while i wait for the new episode of Dexter to pre. as i’m watching the theme song & intro, my upstairs neighbor’s security alarm goes off – which sounds exactly like a siren. for about 30 seconds i was thinking “WOW not only is that really annoying, the stereo pan is EXTREME!” until i couldn’t believe it anymore and paused the show. what a coincidence.

and then.

today at no frills i was walking around thinking of things i hadn’t eaten in a long time. i walk through bread zone “oh hey, i haven’t eaten an english muffin in about four years. i’ll buy a 36-pack.”. i’m watching the new dexter (shortly after cops), and 7 minutes into they’re talking about english muffins. amazing!

i love how many hilarious little coincidences there are in my life.

i obviously hadn’t thought about it at all since sending it but three years ago, on nov. 13th 2005, i sent an ‘email time capsule’ through forbes.com. as soon as i got it, i immediately remember where i was, what i was wearing, and the weather outside when i sent it.

here are some excerpts:

broke your collarbone and didn’t practice
tonight you were avoiding studying for your first psychology 100 term test
reading as many zeppelin books as you can get your hands on and listening to more zeppelin than everything else combined.
you liked “working for the weekend”.
busted for downloading photoshop.
you and your roommate ryan roll oranges down the second floor hallway of margaret addison
your family has stopped supporting you indefinitely because of your choice in women. you have 50 dollars in your wallet and 13.84 in the bank.

it’s like 4 times longer than that, but a bunch of it was some nonsense about girls. not only is it crazy to have such a visceral look back to a specific point in time, it’s very surreal how i am a completely different person now. reading my old thoughts on emotions is quite a trip!

i think i also set it send it in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years. i seriously doubt i’ll have the same gmail account in 7 years, but who knows? i still get email from an 8-year-old account thanks to forwarding…

i feel like i haven’t written anything in weeks, even though it’s been five days. i’ve been out a lot – other than my insane drug-addled paper writing marathon on monday i haven’t been home much.

i DESTROYED my film paper. i did a little bit of outlining on sunday night, relaxed all day monday until about 10pm, and then got going. this is how i do it every time, i’m amazing at it. this time i took a little nap around 6:30 and woke up at 7, and it was one of the weirdest sleeps i’ve ever taken. i was really alert and my heart was beating SO FAST. i had some crazy little dreams, but unfortunately i didn’t remember any. woke up, finished the shot-by-shot and ate some breakfast, blasted out a 750-word written account in 20 minutes, and went to school. wicked

the only weird thing is i’m somehow not tired yet. usually i feel like i need to sleep every 36 hours, but i’m going strong. i’m going to read in bed a little bit, i haven’t done that in months.

i’m losing my ability to judge novembeard, i feel like i can’t tell if it looks good or not. i do like the idea of growing a real beard for winter. i guess i’ll keep going!

ugh, right as i start actually taking care of business/myself, the last couple weeks of bad eating/drinking/sleeping catch up with me. i never get sick, and today i was seriously nauseous ALL DAY. well, it’s either my living habits or just the undercooked bacon for breakfast. i actually got up early just to watch some wcg live and the second match started while i was cooking so i rushed it a bit. i did make an amazing breakfast though, too bad i was sick for the rest of the day. i couldn’t even go to hockey tonight.

unprovoked novembeard comments – 4

rehearsals were great though, i’m playing timpani for the brahms violin concerto which is a sick little part that involves rocking out on A and D. now i do i love tough stuff with ridiculous tuning every 6 bars (der rosenkavalier overture is one of my favorite pieces i’ve ever played), but it’s really nice to sit back and focus on technique and sound and play some timpani.

MY PHONE STILL DOESN’T WORK. if it’s not working by tomorrow after school i’m going back to the store to see what’s up, because i obviously can’t call tech support. also my phone has very, very low latency on key commands, compared to my old one that was at maybe 300ms. it’s crazy how much i learned to adapt to it, i’m still kind of weirded out when i type numbers and they go in….instantly. this is 2008.

MAN i got a lot done today even though i woke up at 11. laundry, trip to shopper’s, grocery shopping, huge cleanup of my place, and new phone/plan!

i hadn’t bought a big load of groceries in like 3 weeks…the occasional milk or eggs since then but not a real 3-bags-full. it was actually great to just hang out and cook in my underwear with loud music instead of going out or getting takeout like i’ve been doing for the past 2 weeks. part of the grocery issue was that i had a big mess piling up from when i was really busy last week, it’s another feedback loop: the more mess and dishes pile up in addition to Life Things, the less i want to clean them, the less i want to go do errands like get groceries, which contributes to a general lack of energy. this happens to me once every couple months and i don’t like it, but it is especially satisfying to have a day like today where i get going again.

i spent a good 3 hours cleaning tonight and it feels AWESOME. i want to have a party or something.

how’s this for efficiency: while my laundry was in the dryer, i stopped by a phone place on the way to getting groceries. cellphones.ca has a pretty cool comparison feature and i ended up picking solo mobile. koodo kind of looked better but it’s brand new, and never buy version 1.0 of anything. got a better/more sensible plan than what i had on primus (blegh) plus a new phone. so much nicer than my old garbage motorola. well my old phone actually survived some insane situations (big drops, lots of water) and we went through tough times and good times together. it also had the most insane unshielded interference, which i guess was why i always had better reception than anybody else. goodbye motorola v190.

it’s way, way thinner than the old one which will be nice when i’m wearing tight pants, my old phone looked kind of silly in my pocket. i don’t mean to get all hardocp but i don’t really get new tech stuff very often anymore and it’s exciting! the new phone came with a 64mb microsd card, charger, AND usb->proprietary cable. generous! i’ve already thrown music and stuff on it, which i did not expect to be able to do without some hacking. it also has a camera, something i’ve never had in a phone before. it’s not horrible (for a phone camera), check it:

i’m switching cell phone providers sometime (maybe today? depends on number portability), and this just made me laugh:

35 cents per square minute.

last night was kind of fun, i was going to go to the election party at the gladstone, but as i was leaving her house, my aunt was just coming from her book reading there and described at as “new years’ eve with a lineup”. i just wanted to sit down and watch tv, so i came home and drank beer and streamed msnbc instead. i’m now convinced that instead of getting hangovers i wake up more refreshed than normal. maybe because of the extra calories?

“novembeard” is going OK so far, i don’t look gross…yet. i’m still not sure i’ll have enough moustache coverage to not look white trash, i think i’ll know by friday. i’m pleasantly surprised that my sideburns and chin are connecting, i think that’s called a ‘beard’. my neck itches.

orchestra started again yesterday. it’s funny, i didn’t play with an orchestra for three years, and it was great getting back into it in september. because of opera there was no orchestra for the month of october (well, except some stupid reading sessions that were just a pain), and after that one month i missed it waaaay more than i realize. after rehearsal yesterday i was totally elated to be back into it. it helps that we’re playing bernstein’s ‘overture to ‘candide”, a hilarious & fun piece. i did my thing again where i’m called to play my part solo in front of the whole orchestra and i play it better than i ever have.

i’ve gone to all of my classes so far this year except film. i haven’t been to film since mid-september. this isn’t a problem, in first year i took psych100 (supposedly a really hard ‘weeding-out’ course?) and i went to maybe 8 classes in total and got a high B in the course. studying consisted of getting to the exams 20 minutes early and skimming the textbook. a couple psych majors in my residence didn’t believe me when i told them about my attendance/grade juxtaposition. i don’t think school has ever been a challenge for me, i cannot empathize with people who have serious school-related stress issues. i totally understand what it’s like to have no free time or a recital or something, but school is just EASY.

film though, last week i realized there’s a paper due sometime soon and panicked, walked quickly to a computer and checked the syllabus – it’s due the 11th. i made myself a reminder and every time i saw it i felt sick, because i have to write a paper on a course i know nothing about. this morning i read the actual assignment outline, and it’s SO EASY. wicked! i know what i’m doing on monday. the only other actual work i have to do this semester is watch about 11 movies before the december 6th exam. that can’t be so bad. i’ll get a pizza and a case of coke and spend 2 days in bed watching art films.

i want to go to the doctor just because i haven’t had a physical in ages and i’m curious. unfortunately i don’t really know how it works up here in canada! i know about walk-ins, but so many of those look incredibly sketchy and gross. i think i’ll find one in the financial district, hopefully that will be nicer?

since my only good jeans got really muddy on halloween, i had to wear my tight pants yesterday even though it was really cold. i really didn’t want to be freezing on the ride to work, so i wore long johns. they’re really comfortable but i feel so goofy wearing them anywhere other than at home.

i’m trying no-shave november/”novembeard”. i haven’t ever gone more than 3 or 4 days without shaving so it will be uncharted waters! i’ll be trying to go the whole month but i can imagine thinking “wow that looks gross” on like, thursday, and just giving up. it’s funny remembering the days (age 16?) when i didn’t care what i looked like.

i played some pool last night. i’m pretty bad (mainly because i play about 5 games a year), but the first game we played i beat someone who is actually very good. i made some perfect shots. from then on i played horribly. seriously though, that first game was the best game of pool in my life.

tomorrow night is election night! in 2000 i really didn’t care, in 2004 i was taking two political science courses concurrently so i was SUPER into it. this time i’m even more into it, seeing as i’m not 17 and self-absorbed anymore. unfortunately i’m watching my cousin that night, but after i get him to bed i’ll have access to a TV (something i don’t have at home!). i want to go to one of those “election night parties for americans living in toronto” after my aunt & uncle get home or something. maybe just a bar with a big tv.

this guy is really scary:

halloween next year?